Striving for a mind like water

Friday, April 2, 2010

Amma - I don't know what to do!

Mother's love cannot be transcended by anyone else. I agree. And that's probably why I cannot handle it if someone says anything against my mother, even if she is wrong. Stupid, but that's the way I feel. Daughter's authority says "I am allowed to shout at her, disapprove of her actions and her ways of doing things, not anyone else, even my own father." As I write now, she shouts at me...but I know that she is feeling helpless; always wants things to be her way and refuses to accept the reality.

I cry...I'm helpless too. I say things impulsively, without thinking it through. I tell her she is not blessed by God and that's why she got us...She screams at me for saying that too! I understand her vulnerabilities, her inabilities and her powerlessness over the whole situation presently. But what can I do? As I said...I'm helpless too.

What is the solution? I don't know. Time is probably the healer. I intend to manage my time better so that I would be an asset, rather than someone who enrages her mother and later cries.

She is beautiful and kind-hearted, but the only problem with her - as with all orthodox dominating wives - is that she wants everything her way! The reality screams at her and doesn't abide by her rules and so she cries feebly. When I see her cry, I can't handle it. The problem is that I also can't do what she wants.

So What is the solution? I don't know. I love her. I want her to be happy. Let's see if this will of mine finds a way :)

2 comments:

  1. Amma!! Looks like you are South Indian. I think you and your mother are trying to get to each other emotionally and making things complicated. Hey lil doc, keep things simple. Talk to her and get to know what does she like and what she doesn't like and do things accordingly if you want to see her happy. There is nothing in this world which gives more pleasure than satisfying our parents ambitions and wishes. You are doing good job and keep doing it.

    Sun Shine in Hindi

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  2. Yep I am South Indian :) Thanks for your advice suraj (?) Satisfying our parents ambitions and wishes is one thing, when they are totally different from your interests, that's when it becomes complicated. But yeah, will keep things simple. I need to get better at managing my irritability sometimes. Hope you are having a great month so far! smile :)

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