Exam panic

Having sat many exams so far, I can relate to the anxiety, the panic, the exam stress which can give you cold feet.Once while prepping for exams, I rang my friend up, only to get her worried without reason. "There's something wrong with me!" I said with a voice full of uncertainty and fright. She was scared.This was me literally experiencing how it feels to have 'cold feet' but it was because the blood circulation to my toe had stopped, turning it pale, cold and white. After a couple of hours, the artery unblocked itself automatically.

Over the years, my mind has also unloaded the vast inevitable exam hysteria. It even got emotionally primed for the anxiety. Last semester, I have found myself to be calmer than usual, a sense of 'giving in' swept through my mind and I wanted to let go of the whole "I have to do so much". I found it extremely difficult to concentrate on studying as my brain would wander off into a world of interesting things that would not be examined on. I always loved the content of my papers, just not exams. I am sure several of you reading this can relate.

It is very impractical and cliched for me to say things like "Don't worry, you'll be fine" because in one's mind, they are NOT going to be alright. The last thing they need is someone saying something that everyone tells anyone who is in their stage. The only advice I can give is - panic all you want, but think back to the times when you panicked, when you sat so many exams feeling unprepared. How was it after the results were known? A mixed feeling, right? Sometimes, it was a miracle, and sometimes it was frustrating...Is this really worth all the brain energy that gets exhausted? The results don't matter in the long run. Never expect to remember everything you've read. That's impossible. Learn from your previous exam experiences and grow as a person who can handle the stress in a positive way. Easier written in a blog post, than done in reality..I know!

As far as you are concerned, it is always difficult to feel satisfied with how you've written the exam. Even if you panic, or you cry, or you dread it, the exam date will approach at the same speed.There's really no point worrying yourself to a point where you end up jeopardizing your memory. No one can tell you this, you'll have to train your mind. Only life teaches you how to handle it. Especially if you are studying medicine or any other course where you'll have life-long exams, this exam frenzy will violently attack you and laugh at how you have succumbed to its evil nature.

So, study, live, love, smile or sometimes even cry your life away. However, exam panic and fear should occupy as little brain space as possible. Try and find ways of calming yourself down. My sibling is going through a tough time as I write this. I hope he finds his strength that he undoubtedly possesses like all of us and just writes what he knows! Good luck pandu (his cute nickname :P)

Choices - now or never!

Choices are everywhere, at every stage of our life. They can go horribly wrong or amazingly right!

In any situation, whenever we have various choices to opt from, it’s hard to make the call. I have always despised making decisions. I am the most indecisive person you will ever find. It’s not because I have a wavering mind, rather it’s to do with having a mind which wishes to satisfy everyone, which I may add is certainly next to impossible. So many people advice me about how I should do what I think is right and what my heart/mind wishes to do as opposed to obeying others’ decisions. The problem with this is that I wish to do whatever turns out to be amazingly right, like everyone else. But how can anyone decide which is the right decision and which is not?! You can never tell unless the consequences are obvious even before one acts and this is never the case.

I believe you are ok to accept and follow others’ decisions when you are ready to take on the responsibility for those actions. They’ve made a decision for you to act but it’s in your hands whether you’ll execute it or not. Never blame anyone for what has gone wrong with your life. Learn from it and move on…Also learn from the right things which have happened in your life. Because, at the end of the day, what are you left with? Incidents in life which make you more experienced. Only when you’ve survived the consequences of a choice can you emerge with a strong transformed mind.
I have forever relied on others to make the choices for me. What is the reason behind my firm indecisions? I can never understand that part of myself. Even thinking about this has left me undecided as to what I should do about it! At this point, only one thing strikes my mind – I have a long way to go in life, to take it easy and to feel like I know that this is precisely what I want!

However, I realise that I have to start somewhere, start now. I have to embrace the choices, list out the pros and cons and emerge out of the ocean of options, having picked the one I want and the one I am ready to face the consequences of! Otherwise, how else will this small brain able to take big decisions? Now or never!

Smile for me!

Emotions are bizarre! For one thing, controlling them demands tremendous energy from you. Letting them flow also requires energy. They are a product of your mental and physiological statuses. Any event that happens around you can affect the way you feel (both physically and mentally), and as a result affects your behaviour, affects your thoughts and actions. Is this voluntary or is it inevitable?

I think - one can promise actions, but not feelings, for the latter are involuntary. For example, when you admire a person, you can seldom hide it. Your smile usually says it all. It's something unconscious. You smile without a reason. No matter how much little sleep you have had, thinking about him or her makes you smile. That is when you have to come to terms with the 'involuntary' part of your brain and let it out. The thought of letting someone know how you feel about them makes you shudder. But in the end, you do have to muster up the strength because you won't feel free unless things are out in the open. Although, when you do let it out, you should be prepared for any answer. That's the hardest part, both for the person receiving and giving the answer. This is when hearts are either broken or given the chance to pump harder. I say this on behalf of a lot of people who have shared their experiences with me. Suppose it is not a definite yes... If you are lucky enough, that person will stay with you as a friend forever even if a relationship doesn't bloom. A smile connects your minds and to see each other smiling is a lovely feeling. It is a mutual emotion that you both share and happily express because you respect and like each other. Also you don't like seeing the other person hurt :) feels special! This emotion is something that you can't hold back easily..semi- involuntary... Relating this back to the last post, the object of journey in this case is being there for each other and sharing everything...so it's the journey itself. The destination will be taken care of if you let things be... :)

I can say one thing for sure. Genuine feelings are precious and rare - convey them when you feel it and they wil be reciprocated in some way. Keep smiling and cherish the emotions. Your smile makes me happy :)

A pricless journey

Today I am going to embark on a journey into the world of web with a different name, a personal­­ identity. Having always found articulating very difficult, I still feel as though the right words never find my brain. Although, a special someone has inspired me to try and here is a drop from my ocean of thoughts :)

I read somewhere that "sometimes the object of journey is not the destination but the journey itself" - so true! our life is a journey of experiences, which teaches us many lessons. We learn from our mistakes (or try to), often than not we think we are always right, although, more can be learnt when we are ready to accept the wrong. This journey makes us the person we are. It can tire us, it can give us enthusiasm, it can brighten our day and make us smile for no reason and cry for various reasons. In the same vein, friendships and other nameless relationships are also journeys. The object might not be what you want it to, but the journey that two minds, two souls and two individuals begin together is valuable. In this priceless journey, understanding each other is a gift and needs to be treasured.

Here’s to truthful and eternal friendship :)