Mind - you strong and powerful weapon!

A state of mental well-being is sought after as an ultimate goal of life by almost anyone from an ordinary working man to an educated Vedantist concerned with the nature of reality and self-realisation. What is it about the mind that influences our actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour? Why isn’t everyone born with an inherent ability to control their reactions and responses to certain stimuli, whether external or internal? Why is it such a relentless struggle to have peace of mind? I believe that only our ‘peaceful mind’ can assist someone else who is seeking help. If we are agitated and internally conflicted, it hardly makes sense to try and calm others down. The strength of an individual’s mind is a product of their upbringing and continues to be shaped by experiences throughout their life-span, more so in childhood than adulthood.

It’s a recurrent theme that a traumatic childhood leaves residual gaps in one’s personality, which don’t get filled as the children grow up. An ordinary 6 year old has no propensity for dishing out right from wrong or wanted from unwanted. There is no way for this kid to only take into account that which benefits his or her affirmative character development. They believe what they are told and don’t question. For example, a child who has been told that they should’ve never been born and should’ve been aborted, may keep thinking of his or her place in the world as unwanted and lose that sense of belonging. This sense of belonging is crucial for our mere existence in a social setting. That 6-year-old has no idea whether he or she was told that as a consequential outburst of mother’s frustration and has no innate ability or power to question it and say “wait a minute, why do you say that? I am as normal as the kid down the street and deserve to live as much as he does. What is the reason behind your statement?”

When similar experiences have tainted a naive and unknowing child and made him or her shy or self-contemptuous or anything else unsolicited, I have a possible solution. Continuing on with this particular example... Someone who has lost their sense of belonging in this world won’t bother living for the sake of anyone and cannot appreciate their strengths to aid them to thrive in as deserving a life as any other. This is when it is safe to separate that little girl or boy in you who keeps instilling derogatory remarks such as you are not worth it and you are better off dead. You have to disconnect yourself from that little girl or boy in you who has suffered a shattering childhood and escape into a safer world where you wish to belong. When the damage is made, it is hard to amend sometimes. Recognizing and validating your situation is a constructive first step. Slowly changing that scarred thinking is the path to triumph over some deadlock situations that some people find themselves in. So, mothers or potential mothers out there, be careful about what you subject your kids to, because their childhood plays an incredible role in making them resilient to stress and having a good sense of self.

Anyway, the question still remains – what is it about the mind that influences our actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour? This cannot be answered linearly, but introspection or extro-spection (i.e. talking out loud on a paper or to an honest trustworthy friend) compounded by open-mindedness can lead you, at least in part, to a peaceful mind which will prime you for a challenging future. Good luck with the ongoing tussle of your mind everyone!