Tagged: Gender bender

Sriram has tagged me. The tag asks me to list "my sins against gender stereotypes". This is exciting because I never considered myself a ‘girl’. Here I go:
1. I own only two dresses – one was $5 from farmers and the other was a gift. I can’t remember the last time I went shopping for clothes or shoes or anything... Shopping puts me off! I’ve been postponing my dressmart shopping day for more than a year now... I would rather go on adventure tours!!!
2. I was so obsessed about cleanliness that I couldn’t study or do anything until I see everything in its place. This is what a typical girl more or less usually does...but now - I’ve become so messy after my bro left to India. I’ve inherited his clutter and shambles. There isn’t a day when amma doesn’t scold me about it
3. When I eat, I eat wholeheartedly – who cares about the million calories in the cream cheese cake or khaju katli :P I am the rubbish bin of our kitchen...Jai ho to the dangers of being able to eat anything without being fussed!
4. Gossip is a big no no for me. I always half hear it and never pass it on. I like talking about something besides other people’s lives and relationships. I believe its soo hard to socialise with other girls sometimes for that very reason!! Grrr.. ;)
5. I have never put on makeup willingly – the only time I did eye makeup was for a production when I was uncle max in Sound of music
6. Most of the time, I don’t get excited about wearing dresses, looking pretty, making an effort, going out into town and socialising. Things that get me excited are badminton, cicket, singing, going up mountains, snow, jumping around with my friend and her danceable music, eating and for those who know me – sleeping in lecs...
7. From the very start, I had more guy friends than girl friends. I loved climbing trees, playing street cricket with my bro's friends, going to play pool, riding motor bikes, and oh....I used to wear my bro's jeans when he grew out of them. lol. I don't think I know any girl who wore guy's jeans...now that I think of it, they were so uncomfortable. hehe

Thanks Sri, it was enlivening to remind myself of the guy in me. :)

Two sides of a coin - putting things in perspective

When someone tells you a story, complains to you about an experience they had with a person, shares their opinion on something, your mind tends to judge the person/thing in question. You agree or disagree. Except, it always pays to step back and see the other side of the story or at least lend an ear but don't form a strong opinion against or pro-anything/anyone unless you've experienced something yourself.

Today I picked up a dollar coin and flipped it around. Even if it's not the dollar coin I earned, I decided to examine both sides of it :)

Back with two minds

In the past few months, I have been dormant from the whole world, i.e my parents, friends, class mates, family, etc.. oh and even my blog! ;) I have gone away to various places including Hamilton, Waipu and Queenstown as part of the medical training. I have had a break from my everyday world, but it feels good to be back, for the weekend.

I've sneaked a peek into many lives as they relate to their mental and physical well-being. It becomes glaringly evident how everyone reacts differently to a given situation and how varied the responses are, to being unwell. Being in the real world as opposed to being with simulated/actor patients rocks! There is a general feeling of being inept and bungling at times, but I think that incompetence can be overridden through experience over time. Or will it?

Queen's birthday weekend - was a treat to the ears! Indian classical music concerts - Saturday was the violin duo by Kanyakumari and her shishya Embar Kannan danced with their fingers on the violin and left a divine vibration in my ears :)
Many melodious treats followed this concert. Hindustani and carnatic music alike. Music is truly divine!

On a completely different note,something that hasn't changed is extreme emotions at random times - why hasn't it changed? It's not like knowledge is lacking. What use is any knowledge if we still suffer from not being able to practice it accordingly? Every action or thought of mine that I pursue can be explained, should be changed according to me, but in the end...all I do is repeat mistakes and punish myself through a strange channel of thoughts...I know this is a vague narration of what is in my mind, please don't go nuts over trying to understand this pearl of my life. It's not important really! ;)

It's 3:10am and when someone as over-sleepy as me can't get to sleep, there's obviously something wrong within the depths of the jelly inside my skull...

Help plz! haha. ZZzzzzz

Birthday wishes

Some things are left undone,
Some words are left unsaid,
Some feelings are left unexpressed,
But someone as nice as you,
could never be left unwished :)

It was very nice for 'someone' to write the above words and it certainly made me work my cheek muscles. In reply, I say:

Someone as nice as you also could also never be left unwished...so "same to you". I want to wish you a good day everyday. It's what we make of the day that counts...happiness can never be a continuous long lasting state of mind. Take life as it comes, enjoy the elated times, suffer the sad times. Once acquired, never lose the skill to feel every emotion but at the same time strive to bend ur beautiful mind towards neutrality :)

Word of the day from me: neutral

Being critical? or maybe nonsensical?

I am going to be a little critical in the following regard. Why is that people say "you may lose me forever" or "You can have me forever". Don't they realise it's not them who can decide whether or not someone stays in your heart/mind forever? Is it really in our hands (or minds) to decide whether someone who has touched your heart to be erased from it? Whether it be a friend or foe, someone who has touched our hearts will stay - if you are anything like me. As long as we don't let the mental or perceived cardiac connections adversely affect our functioning of life, it's alright to let things be the way they are. I'm probably just missing the point or not even making sense! Oh well. I tried to put the thoughts out in a coherent manner, but can't do a better job in this sleep-deprived state. I will choose to believe what I want to and everyone else can do the same. It's a personal thing.

Amma - I don't know what to do!

Mother's love cannot be transcended by anyone else. I agree. And that's probably why I cannot handle it if someone says anything against my mother, even if she is wrong. Stupid, but that's the way I feel. Daughter's authority says "I am allowed to shout at her, disapprove of her actions and her ways of doing things, not anyone else, even my own father." As I write now, she shouts at me...but I know that she is feeling helpless; always wants things to be her way and refuses to accept the reality.

I cry...I'm helpless too. I say things impulsively, without thinking it through. I tell her she is not blessed by God and that's why she got us...She screams at me for saying that too! I understand her vulnerabilities, her inabilities and her powerlessness over the whole situation presently. But what can I do? As I said...I'm helpless too.

What is the solution? I don't know. Time is probably the healer. I intend to manage my time better so that I would be an asset, rather than someone who enrages her mother and later cries.

She is beautiful and kind-hearted, but the only problem with her - as with all orthodox dominating wives - is that she wants everything her way! The reality screams at her and doesn't abide by her rules and so she cries feebly. When I see her cry, I can't handle it. The problem is that I also can't do what she wants.

So What is the solution? I don't know. I love her. I want her to be happy. Let's see if this will of mine finds a way :)

Irrational self

Just a thought - why is it so difficult to let your rational self overpower ur irrational self sometimes? Especially when the path is towards accepting the harsh reality of a guy's action and moving on, the path appears more thorny! Jealousy and envy are undesirable qualities, but they are part of the whole package of a person - just hiding away in an unstimulated corner because the sensible attributes are not uninhibited.

I guess acknowledging it is a step closer to empowering your rational self!

Oh my God, this post is bringing out the girl in me :P So rare, but I guess it's there! haha