Two sides of a coin - putting things in perspective

When someone tells you a story, complains to you about an experience they had with a person, shares their opinion on something, your mind tends to judge the person/thing in question. You agree or disagree. Except, it always pays to step back and see the other side of the story or at least lend an ear but don't form a strong opinion against or pro-anything/anyone unless you've experienced something yourself.

Today I picked up a dollar coin and flipped it around. Even if it's not the dollar coin I earned, I decided to examine both sides of it :)

Birthday wishes

Some things are left undone,
Some words are left unsaid,
Some feelings are left unexpressed,
But someone as nice as you,
could never be left unwished :)

It was very nice for 'someone' to write the above words and it certainly made me work my cheek muscles. In reply, I say:

Someone as nice as you also could also never be left unwished...so "same to you". I want to wish you a good day everyday. It's what we make of the day that counts...happiness can never be a continuous long lasting state of mind. Take life as it comes, enjoy the elated times, suffer the sad times. Once acquired, never lose the skill to feel every emotion but at the same time strive to bend ur beautiful mind towards neutrality :)

Word of the day from me: neutral

Being critical? or maybe nonsensical?

I am going to be a little critical in the following regard. Why is that people say "you may lose me forever" or "You can have me forever". Don't they realise it's not them who can decide whether or not someone stays in your heart/mind forever? Is it really in our hands (or minds) to decide whether someone who has touched your heart to be erased from it? Whether it be a friend or foe, someone who has touched our hearts will stay - if you are anything like me. As long as we don't let the mental or perceived cardiac connections adversely affect our functioning of life, it's alright to let things be the way they are. I'm probably just missing the point or not even making sense! Oh well. I tried to put the thoughts out in a coherent manner, but can't do a better job in this sleep-deprived state. I will choose to believe what I want to and everyone else can do the same. It's a personal thing.

Mind - you strong and powerful weapon!

A state of mental well-being is sought after as an ultimate goal of life by almost anyone from an ordinary working man to an educated Vedantist concerned with the nature of reality and self-realisation. What is it about the mind that influences our actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour? Why isn’t everyone born with an inherent ability to control their reactions and responses to certain stimuli, whether external or internal? Why is it such a relentless struggle to have peace of mind? I believe that only our ‘peaceful mind’ can assist someone else who is seeking help. If we are agitated and internally conflicted, it hardly makes sense to try and calm others down. The strength of an individual’s mind is a product of their upbringing and continues to be shaped by experiences throughout their life-span, more so in childhood than adulthood.

It’s a recurrent theme that a traumatic childhood leaves residual gaps in one’s personality, which don’t get filled as the children grow up. An ordinary 6 year old has no propensity for dishing out right from wrong or wanted from unwanted. There is no way for this kid to only take into account that which benefits his or her affirmative character development. They believe what they are told and don’t question. For example, a child who has been told that they should’ve never been born and should’ve been aborted, may keep thinking of his or her place in the world as unwanted and lose that sense of belonging. This sense of belonging is crucial for our mere existence in a social setting. That 6-year-old has no idea whether he or she was told that as a consequential outburst of mother’s frustration and has no innate ability or power to question it and say “wait a minute, why do you say that? I am as normal as the kid down the street and deserve to live as much as he does. What is the reason behind your statement?”

When similar experiences have tainted a naive and unknowing child and made him or her shy or self-contemptuous or anything else unsolicited, I have a possible solution. Continuing on with this particular example... Someone who has lost their sense of belonging in this world won’t bother living for the sake of anyone and cannot appreciate their strengths to aid them to thrive in as deserving a life as any other. This is when it is safe to separate that little girl or boy in you who keeps instilling derogatory remarks such as you are not worth it and you are better off dead. You have to disconnect yourself from that little girl or boy in you who has suffered a shattering childhood and escape into a safer world where you wish to belong. When the damage is made, it is hard to amend sometimes. Recognizing and validating your situation is a constructive first step. Slowly changing that scarred thinking is the path to triumph over some deadlock situations that some people find themselves in. So, mothers or potential mothers out there, be careful about what you subject your kids to, because their childhood plays an incredible role in making them resilient to stress and having a good sense of self.

Anyway, the question still remains – what is it about the mind that influences our actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour? This cannot be answered linearly, but introspection or extro-spection (i.e. talking out loud on a paper or to an honest trustworthy friend) compounded by open-mindedness can lead you, at least in part, to a peaceful mind which will prime you for a challenging future. Good luck with the ongoing tussle of your mind everyone!

Consequences exist - thanks to our actions!

Million things happen in one day. You meet new people, you run into your school mates, you do things you've planned and some things happen without your control. I believe that your current actions always bear consequences in the future. Even if the consequence doesn't affect you deeply and you don't notice it, it still exists.

One day a girl in our class was noting down all our mail addresses. Yesterday I got a postcard from her with a very thoughtful message. I love receiving mail - email and post alike, especially if it's personally addressed(Of course i'm not referring to bank statements, bills, etc). It was a pleasant surprise :)

That deed resulted in a positive outcome. The flipside also holds true. I now realised that I previously acted without foreseeing the possible consequences, especially concerning the things I tell others about myself or others. To my mind, all there is to know is that I don't mean harm to anyone and so anything I say or do shouldn't have negative repercussions. And if something I say hurts others, I expect them to be frank and point fingers at me. This is not and cannot always be the case. There lies a certain responsibility in my hands to think before I say things and if it's unnecessary, keep it to myself.

I have learnt it the hard way, but I have. There isn't reason for anyone to know about others who have confided in you, even if the person you are sharing it with is trustworthy. I've always been the person who most people tend to open up to, but at times while seeking advice or even for no obvious reason, I might have shared things with others. Some conflicts have been the product of this and I am happy to say that I have recognised the mistake and am making a conscious effort to change it for the better!

Upshot of this post is - when you do anything, always remember that whatever we say or however we act, everything bears consequences, whether it be pleasantly positive or nastily negative! Of course, sometimes it is a two-way street and the receiver should interpret your actions accordingly. All said and done, mindfulness of our own behaviour is the way to go!